What Will It Take to Accept Ourselves?

What Will It Take to Accept Ourselves?

Filed Under: Body Acceptance

8 August 2019 | Written by Xenia Ayiotis

“Accepting yourself is about respecting yourself. It’s about honouring yourself right now, here today. In this moment. Not just who you could become somewhere down the line”

– Kris Carr –

Most of us are conditioned to believe that we constantly need to be achieving, acquiring and aspiring in order to feel worthy and acceptable. We have expectations that drive us to strive and struggle. It’s never enough.  In this hustle for acceptance from others, we exhaust ourselves through the endless pursuit of perfection, trying to prove our worth through performance and ignoring our own needs in order to please others.

When I was in the deep dark depths of my dysfunctional relationship with food, eating and my body…and myself, I truly believed that the only way I could change myself was through self-loathing. I would beat myself up every time I gained weight back after my many attempts at dieting (not knowing of course that diets are always destined to fail) I would judge myself for every bite of forbidden food. This judgement extended to areas beyond food and my body. Living with this cruel voice in my head was not only exhausting but debilitating. I turned to food, shopping, wine and work to numb that voice and dull the feeling of rejection.

I believed that accepting myself meant two things, letting myself go and letting myself off the hook. I never considered that biting “the hook” and holding on was what kept me in this never-ending cycle of shame and self-rejection.

“Absence of self-acceptance has brought me the darkest pain I have ever experienced”

– Elizabeth Gilbert –

Whilst I am not against self-improvement, so often the need to improve ourselves and become better versions of ourselves comes from a belief that we are not enough and not worthy as we are.  When we approach self-improvement and change from a place of hate and rejection, it can’t create lasting change. Rejecting ourselves this way keeps us small. It keeps us in a scarcity mindset. It encourages us to hide. It fuels the belief that we are “not enough” and prevents us from sharing our gifts with the world.

I wonder how attempts at “being a better version” of ourselves would look if we approached it from a place of self-acceptance?

The constant striving for self-improvement without self-acceptance is like the never-ending task of Sisyphus.

If we didn’t embark on creating a better version of ourselves from a place of faultiness that needs to be fixed and rather from a place of “partly flawed, partly ok and partly awesome” maybe that would be a different process?

Perhaps we would pay more attention to self-care rather than self-criticism?

Maybe we would be striving less and enjoying ordinary moments more?

We might be less busy but have more meaningful moments?

“Much of spiritual life is self-acceptance, maybe all of it”

– Jack Kornfield –

Self-acceptance means accepting all the different parts of ourselves, the good, the bad, the ugly, the messy, the dark and the light.

You don’t have to wait until you have achieved anything.

It isn’t too late. You can start right now. As you are.

Give yourself permission to accept yourself unconditionally as you are – today.

My Women’s Day gift to you is a self-acceptance meditation. Enjoy the background sound of the Hadedas and my beloved dog snoring.

Here’s a great song to remind you that you are enough as you are.

May you learn to accept your abilities with kindness
May you let go of criticism and judgement
May you learn to accept yourself as you are
May you find peace with yourself

With love
Xen

“From our first meeting - two faces on Zoom across the world from each other, there was a sense of familiarity and comfort that was a healing balm for a lifetime of food struggles and dieting. Without realizing how much damage I had done to myself by adhering, for decades, to restrictive food plans and rigid diet programs, Xen had a way of redirecting the harsh and negative self-talk and sending me forth each week with compassion, mindfulness and a new way of seeing myself in the here and now. Gone are the maybe somedays, and if-only, and when-I’m-smaller thinking. Now I am committed to the imperfect and rocky path to listening to my body, accepting my perfect imperfections, and rejecting diet mentality. Those negative voices will revisit me from time to time, I know, but Xen has offered valuable tools for meeting each day as a fresh start - another choice, another chance. Her devotion to this work and her belief in her clients is a remarkable gift; I am so fortunate to have found her. It is never too late to let go of the drama and embrace joy, ease and self-acceptance.”

Karen L, Denver, USA

“I felt hopeless and helpless in my daily struggle with mindless eating for many years. Then I found Xen which is exactly what I needed! My decision to work with her helped me to finally repair my relationship with food. It's changing my life for the better, one day at a time. Now I have control over the food, instead of it having control over me, which is the way it should be. I highly recommend Xen to anyone who has a desire to overcome similar food struggles. Xen, thank you from the bottom of my heart!”

Karen J, Colorado, USA

“I reached out to Xenia because 2021 started on a tumultuous note for me. Between deaths, businesses suffering, hospitalizations, and job losses in our personal circle, I felt depleted and found myself being available for everyone but myself. Then I was hit with an unexpected health diagnosis, which was the last straw as it meant giving up “healthy foods” and workouts that I leaned on for my well-being and stability. Despite working in wellness (Yes, coaches and healers are vulnerable too!), I found myself reaching out to desserts for comfort. I like to live a life of permissions (not labels or deprivation leading to bingeing), so I wanted to work with someone who approached healing from a place of mindful compassion. I didn’t want to be my own client. Xenia was great in reminding me to be kind to myself. Working with her, brought me peace and helped shift my mindset. I love how desserts and I look at each other now.”

Sweta Vikram, New York, USA

“Working with Xenia was amazing. She armed me with a bunch of tools to help me through difficult times. Xenia is the kind of person who really cares for helping you in the long run. Her work will forever have an impact in my life.”

Daniela Velásquez, Ottawa, Canada

“Working with Xen was a game changer for me. After working together for a few months my relationship with food radically changed. I no longer felt like a failure. I now have the tools to nourish my body with foods that feel good in my body. I don’t feel guilty about eating cake or chocolate, I also don’t overeat cake and chocolate. I no longer feel the need to exercise to compensate for my eating. I feel much more free around eating and I am more accepting of my body. Xen has a nonjudgmental and compassionate approach to coaching and really supports you in the process.”

Rachel, Dublin, Ireland

“Working with Xen has been very empowering. Her approach is so refreshing from the usual. I have learned that I am in charge and that I get to choose what I put in my body and how to move my body in a way that I like! I get to make my own choices. It’s so liberating. Once you get a taste of freedom with food, there is no turning back to old ways! Thanks Xen for guiding me along the way to freedom.”

Heather B, Cork. Ireland

“This is the answer for those of you that struggle with food and all that surrounds it. Xenia said that I could make peace with food and it seemed at the time like an impossible dream. Turns out it isn’t. I recommend Xen and the mindful eating / intuitive eating approach unreservedly. If you have any questions about my experience, please get in touch. Thank you Xen. My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐”

Michelle, Johannesburg, South Africa

“Xenia was a walking, living, breathing example of what can be done. I laughed and cried my way through a short course in this fascinating and invigorating programme with her, and have gained a designer tote full of coping skills that go way beyond containing kilogrammes. I feel infinitely lighter. I am doing this for me and, yes, you can do this for you too! And believe me, I’m cynical!”

Diana, Vancouver, Canada

“I don’t obsess about food like I used to. I am thinking differently about food and feeling so much more relaxed around all types of food. It’s wonderful to have pleasure and satisfaction from eating.”

Sarah, Illinois, USA

“I learned a new way of thinking about food. I have learned that food is not the enemy and that it can actually be enjoyed with no guilt.”

Sandy, London, United Kingdom

Certified by The Life Coach School Certified and Trained by The Original Intuitive Eating Pro Professional Member of The Center for Mindful Eating