The Path to Self-Love

11 February 2021 | Written by Xenia Ayiotis

Filed Under: Body Acceptance Change

“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
— Buddha —

When we think about love, we often look at love in relation to having someone to love or someone who loves us back.

What if we rather looked at self-love?

Self-love is challenging. We are programmed to be hard on ourselves.

I so often hear my clients say: “I want to learn to love myself”.

So how do we do it? How do we start to love ourselves?

“The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself”
— Maya Angelou —

It’s exceptionally difficult to go from judging and hating yourself to loving yourself, there are a whole lot of steps between hate and love.

First, we have to stop the hating, judging and beating ourselves up. How do we do that? Through AWARENESS? Noticing that critical voice. Giving her a name. Once you notice that voice it’s important not to believe all your negative thoughts about yourself. As the adage goes: Don’t believe everything you think!

Secondly, we need to shift from hate to a more neutral attitude towards ourselves.

Thirdly, to start the process to learn to accept the parts of ourselves we have difficulty loving.

Once we can accept our “dark side”, be less critical about ourselves, and start practicing compassion when we mess up, then the pathway to loving ourselves can be easier. Take advice from author Elizabeth Gilbert who says, “Embrace the glorious mess that you are”.

As some of you know, I love questions.

I have created a list of questions that can help you on your path to self-love.

  1. What does love mean to you?
  2. What are the biggest obstacles in your way preventing you from loving yourself?
  3. If you could go back in time, what loving words would you say to yourself at age 6, 12, 18, 24…?
  4. What are 3 things you love about yourself? (it can be your laugh, your loyalty – don’t just think in terms of appearance)
  5. Where and with whom do you feel really loved?
  6. What is something loving you wish someone would say to you?
  7. Say that thing to yourself – and again.
  8. When was the last time you lovingly indulged yourself? What did you do? How can you indulge yourself again? (a day alone? A pyjama day – my personal favourite!)
  9. What things, activities, people make you feel happy to be alive?
  10. What activity feels like self-love?
  11. What loving habit would you like to introduce into your life?
  12. How can you bring in more daily loving acts, words and beliefs towards yourself?
  13. If you chose to live your life with love – what would you say to yourself?
  14. Answer this…If I really loved myself, I would ………………

What if, for the rest of this year, you simply focused on loving yourself just a little bit more?


💙 I’ve made a special bundle to help you on the path to self-love. Download it here.

💙 Looking for extra help on the path to loving yourself and your body? Book a free Mini Session.


“Working with Xenia was amazing. She armed me with a bunch of tools to help me through difficult times. Xenia is the kind of person who really cares for helping you in the long run. Her work will forever have an impact in my life.”

Daniela Velásquez, Ottawa, Canada

“Working with Xen was a game changer for me. After working together for a few months my relationship with food radically changed. I no longer felt like a failure. I now have the tools to nourish my body with foods that feel good in my body. I don’t feel guilty about eating cake or chocolate, I also don’t overeat cake and chocolate. I no longer feel the need to exercise to compensate for my eating. I feel much more free around eating and I am more accepting of my body. Xen has a nonjudgmental and compassionate approach to coaching and really supports you in the process.”

Rachel, Dublin, Ireland

“Working with Xen has been very empowering. Her approach is so refreshing from the usual. I have learned that I am in charge and that I get to choose what I put in my body and how to move my body in a way that I like! I get to make my own choices. It’s so liberating. Once you get a taste of freedom with food, there is no turning back to old ways! Thanks Xen for guiding me along the way to freedom.”

Heather B, Cork. Ireland

“This is the answer for those of you that struggle with food and all that surrounds it. Xenia said that I could make peace with food and it seemed at the time like an impossible dream. Turns out it isn’t. I recommend Xen and the mindful eating / intuitive eating approach unreservedly. If you have any questions about my experience, please get in touch. Thank you Xen. My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐”

Michelle, Johannesburg, South Africa

“Xenia was a walking, living, breathing example of what can be done. I laughed and cried my way through a short course in this fascinating and invigorating programme with her, and have gained a designer tote full of coping skills that go way beyond containing kilogrammes. I feel infinitely lighter. I am doing this for me and, yes, you can do this for you too! And believe me, I’m cynical!”

Diana, Vancouver, Canada

“I don’t obsess about food like I used to. I am thinking differently about food and feeling so much more relaxed around all types of food. It’s wonderful to have pleasure and satisfaction from eating.”

Sarah, Illinois, USA

“I learned a new way of thinking about food. I have learned that food is not the enemy and that it can actually be enjoyed with no guilt.”

Sandy, London, United Kingdom

Certified by The Life Coach School Certified Life Coach Certified and Trained by The Original Intuitive Eating Pro Professional Member of The Center for Mindful Eating