The Diabolical Trio: Part I

Filed Under: Change

21 April 2015 | Written by Xenia Ayiotis

Who are the diabolical trio? They are like the 3 ugly stepsisters in Cinderella or The Three Wicked Witches of the West…

Sadly they are not fairy tale caricatures, but inner voices in our head that create misery and despair! I know them intimately – they lived in my head for many years and they still pop in to visit more often than I would like!

The first of the trio is Perfectionista a.k.a The Inner Perfectionist*.

She looks around and searches for her ideal vision of perfection… What she sees in movies and adverts. She aspires to look as close to those airbrushed photos of perfection in Vogue and Marie Claire. If she looks like those photos – all will be well in her world…

Enter the second of the trio, The Inner Pusher*, Imelda.

She comes to partner with Perfectionista and creates to-do lists and a goal plan that looks like this:

  • No Carbs, Wheat or Gluten
  • No Sugar
  • No Dairy
  • No Alcohol
  • Cardio 4 x a week
  • Weights 2 x a week
  • Boot Camp on Sundays

She is ruthless and relentless. Nothing is good enough, it could always be better or more or different. Satisfying this inner task-master is not for the faint-hearted!

However, the inevitable happens, the programme is too rigid and as humans we falter and have a slice of cake at our mother-in-law’s birthday tea, miss a workout or have a drink after a frazzling day.

Enter stage right…

Cruella the Critic*, the third and meanest of the trio appears with her loud, strident, high-pitched voice, telling the other two that they are hopeless and have no willpower or self control. They will never get this right – they may as well give up and never try again!

Cruella successfully creates an emotional avalanche of shame, guilt, regret and self-blame that refuels the same old cycle with the same protagonists and the very same sad ending. Does this sound familiar?

So, what do we have to do to change the script?

In next week’s episode, I will talk about how to tame this wicked trio…

Have a great week!

Love,
Xen.

*The Inner Perfectionist, Pusher and Critic are concepts from Jan Chozen Bays – “Mindful Eating – A guide to rediscovering a healthy and joyful relationship with food”.

“From our first meeting - two faces on Zoom across the world from each other, there was a sense of familiarity and comfort that was a healing balm for a lifetime of food struggles and dieting. Without realizing how much damage I had done to myself by adhering, for decades, to restrictive food plans and rigid diet programs, Xen had a way of redirecting the harsh and negative self-talk and sending me forth each week with compassion, mindfulness and a new way of seeing myself in the here and now. Gone are the maybe somedays, and if-only, and when-I’m-smaller thinking. Now I am committed to the imperfect and rocky path to listening to my body, accepting my perfect imperfections, and rejecting diet mentality. Those negative voices will revisit me from time to time, I know, but Xen has offered valuable tools for meeting each day as a fresh start - another choice, another chance. Her devotion to this work and her belief in her clients is a remarkable gift; I am so fortunate to have found her. It is never too late to let go of the drama and embrace joy, ease and self-acceptance.”

Karen L, Denver, USA

“I felt hopeless and helpless in my daily struggle with mindless eating for many years. Then I found Xen which is exactly what I needed! My decision to work with her helped me to finally repair my relationship with food. It's changing my life for the better, one day at a time. Now I have control over the food, instead of it having control over me, which is the way it should be. I highly recommend Xen to anyone who has a desire to overcome similar food struggles. Xen, thank you from the bottom of my heart!”

Karen J, Colorado, USA

“I reached out to Xenia because 2021 started on a tumultuous note for me. Between deaths, businesses suffering, hospitalizations, and job losses in our personal circle, I felt depleted and found myself being available for everyone but myself. Then I was hit with an unexpected health diagnosis, which was the last straw as it meant giving up “healthy foods” and workouts that I leaned on for my well-being and stability. Despite working in wellness (Yes, coaches and healers are vulnerable too!), I found myself reaching out to desserts for comfort. I like to live a life of permissions (not labels or deprivation leading to bingeing), so I wanted to work with someone who approached healing from a place of mindful compassion. I didn’t want to be my own client. Xenia was great in reminding me to be kind to myself. Working with her, brought me peace and helped shift my mindset. I love how desserts and I look at each other now.”

Sweta Vikram, New York, USA

“Working with Xenia was amazing. She armed me with a bunch of tools to help me through difficult times. Xenia is the kind of person who really cares for helping you in the long run. Her work will forever have an impact in my life.”

Daniela Velásquez, Ottawa, Canada

“Working with Xen was a game changer for me. After working together for a few months my relationship with food radically changed. I no longer felt like a failure. I now have the tools to nourish my body with foods that feel good in my body. I don’t feel guilty about eating cake or chocolate, I also don’t overeat cake and chocolate. I no longer feel the need to exercise to compensate for my eating. I feel much more free around eating and I am more accepting of my body. Xen has a nonjudgmental and compassionate approach to coaching and really supports you in the process.”

Rachel, Dublin, Ireland

“Working with Xen has been very empowering. Her approach is so refreshing from the usual. I have learned that I am in charge and that I get to choose what I put in my body and how to move my body in a way that I like! I get to make my own choices. It’s so liberating. Once you get a taste of freedom with food, there is no turning back to old ways! Thanks Xen for guiding me along the way to freedom.”

Heather B, Cork. Ireland

“This is the answer for those of you that struggle with food and all that surrounds it. Xenia said that I could make peace with food and it seemed at the time like an impossible dream. Turns out it isn’t. I recommend Xen and the mindful eating / intuitive eating approach unreservedly. If you have any questions about my experience, please get in touch. Thank you Xen. My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐”

Michelle, Johannesburg, South Africa

“Xenia was a walking, living, breathing example of what can be done. I laughed and cried my way through a short course in this fascinating and invigorating programme with her, and have gained a designer tote full of coping skills that go way beyond containing kilogrammes. I feel infinitely lighter. I am doing this for me and, yes, you can do this for you too! And believe me, I’m cynical!”

Diana, Vancouver, Canada

“I don’t obsess about food like I used to. I am thinking differently about food and feeling so much more relaxed around all types of food. It’s wonderful to have pleasure and satisfaction from eating.”

Sarah, Illinois, USA

“I learned a new way of thinking about food. I have learned that food is not the enemy and that it can actually be enjoyed with no guilt.”

Sandy, London, United Kingdom

Certified by The Life Coach School Certified and Trained by The Original Intuitive Eating Pro Professional Member of The Center for Mindful Eating